Learning to find the Joy in the Storm

If you follow me on Facebook I am sure you are aware of the storm that has been brewing. I don't want to air my dirty laundry to the world (or whoever may be reading this). I just need to feel that I am not alone. I am realizing more and more I am not. But I am still struggling even after talking and praying. I thought I would try the next form of therapy, writing a blog post.

 I get up every morning (hopefully before my wonderful girls do) let the dogs out, make coffee and sit down with my devotionals. But even in the mist of praying for my husband and praying for our life together I can not control what is happening in side of him. I can only do my part and try to make a happy home for him. Do you ever notice that when you live closely with someone and they are feeling down you start to feel down too? I can not count how many times before I have experienced this and try not to let someone Else's mood effect my own. In the end it still gets to me.

I thought my days away from the house and staying up with some wonderful friends and then going to my other job. Had got me out of my funk. But I fell back in to the rut. I see the other persons mood changing and looking better. But I cant seem to find my happy mood. I feel so angry about the things I can not control.  I am mad at myself for getting my hopes up about certain things, because I knew I would be disappointed.  Maybe its the weather. Maybe its that my house is still not finished. Things don't have a permanent place and I feel the clutter is cluttering my mind. I choose my life as a mother and a wife so why am I struggling with it now. Am I burnt out and need a break? Am I thinking to much about things I can't forget but have already forgave? Am I stuck on what Amanda wants, how Amanda wants things? Yes, Yes I am. But its not about me. Its all about Christ. I keep singing this song over and over again. I keep turning to the one I know who well help me through this. I keep searching for that answer that quick fix. That sign from God. I know I am trying to hard.

 

I do know if I don't change my attitude and my mood. Then everyone around me well not be able to stand me. I can't even stand myself right now. Grrrrr. OK even after typing that I am starting to feel better.  I choice to be happy and I choice to Let Go and Let God Take care of the past, present and future.

I well let you know in a couple of days If I truly have let go and let God. Thanks for reading and letting me vent. That was kind of ugly. Please forgive me.