That's not fair, Life's not fair

That's not fair, A phrase kids use when things don't go their way. When one child gets what the other child doesn't. I think even as adults we tend to say or at least think this. Life just isn't fair. When things come up in my life that make me think this I try to think of the positives of why something didn't happen the way I thought it should. God has plans for all of us sometimes its not our plans.

 I am reminded of this today as I wake up with the sun in my eyes and a cup of coffee in hand. I think wow why can't all days be this nice, Or why can't I be having a morning coffee with my sister or BFF, Or why do I have all this mom stuff to do today, Why can't I be the one to rush off to work and earn money, or why can't I hang out with someone I care about instead of doing the other things I have to do today. Life just isn't fair.

Maybe life isn't fair. Maybe that's the way its suppose to be. living in a world with so many horrible things happening. living in a world run by technology. living in a world where we are always wishing, and thinking life's not fair. I will keep thinking this. I will keep wondering what could be but only because I can and it helps me see the good. The good in all things. The good in the whys, the good in the rainy cold days, the good in goodbyes. the good in missing someone. Because life is not fair…..

What I learned from Lent

I have never observed Lent before. It was never taught to me. I choose this year to learn and observe. I choose to do this to get closer to God. I gave up chocolate. I did get closer to God. I also learned more self-control. It made me realize I need to take that to the next level and work on self-control in other areas of my life.

My battles with the things of this world will always be there. That is human nature. I will strive to go against the grain and give up worldly things to serve my God.

Summer is almost here. I plan to enjoy every minute of it.

Thats enough of my random thoughts for the day.

Dancing in the storm

Life keeps throwing curve balls. I keep trying to dodge them. Its not easy and most of the time they hit me. I try to look on the bright side. I try to change my perception on things. To dance in the storm. All I can do is keep dancing. No matter what life brings I keep looking to God for all things. He is my comfort. My healer. My one and only. I hope others can see this too. With out God we are nothing. With him anything is possible. I keep my eyes focused on him. He will lead me through this storm to the the other side. I trust in him even when I can't see the things he is doing in my life. Is it hard.Really hard at times. I want to give up some time. throw in the towel of this thing called life. no body said life was going to be easy. I just have to trust and keep my head above the waves. I will make it through this life. I fall down, I will get up even stronger.
Just like the girl scout promise.
On my honor
I will try to sever God and my country,
to help people at all times and
to live by the girl scout law.

Learning the hard way

God lets us go through things sometimes so we learn through mistakes. We all have the choice to do the things we do. Some times those choices we choice make us fall. We can learn and grow from these things. We don't have to beat ourselves up. We can forgive ourselves for our mistakes. These mistakes and learning experience usually lead to the most change and learning. These things stick for a life time. God doesn't put us through things just because. We can take every situation good or bad and use it to grow and learn. God is the center of my life and heart. Sometimes the things of this world take over and lead me in the wrong direction. God forgives, I forgive. I learn, I grow and I move on. Lets all learn something from our mistakes. God loves us and does the very best for us.

Job 34:2

“Hear my words, you wise men; listen to me, you men of learning.

Dreams

From a time of reflecting to how I can make my dreams come true. I think daily of what I want to be when I "grow up". My first career as a vehicle mechanic in the Air force has been good to me. But are there bigger and better things God has in his plan for me. I have lots of opportunities coming up in the next year. Will I go back to work full time. Will I go to school. Will a pursue a home business. Will I choose to dive in head first to my children's school and there activities. What is it I want to do to better myself and my family.

College is always up there on the top of the list. I have school money. I need to use it. With two kids in school I will have time for classes and studying.

Finding a part time job is also in the mix. Earning a little extra money for our family will for sure help us out in the long run.

Going to work full time. Wow that one is like at the bottom of the list right now.  I would love to take a full time job. Will it be worth the stress. Will it make me and my family happy.

To many questions. To many what ifs. I need to really sit down and figure out my next move towards my dreams. Are these things selfish. Well these  things make me happy.

Dreaming the dreams I have. Dreaming the dreams I want and can pursue. Life has so many options, difficulties, struggles. I can see the other side. I can see the grown up me.

I will work towards these things. I will work towards a goal. Starting today I will enjoy the moment. and stop thinking so much of the future. Keeping those thought to a page in a book. I will look towards tomorrow but not with so much dreaming. I will find the time to research my next step with out forgetting to enjoying the now.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

reflecting

I had this awesome opportunity to go to Hawaii for my anual training.  I am so glad I jumped on that plane after the year I had.  It was so refeshing. I had lots of time to think, to relax and recharge. Something I truly needed. God knows what we needed and when we need it. I told myself I will have fun, and I will enjoy the ocean. It is such a scary place to be.I learned it can be refreshing, energishing, powerful but also peaceful. Watching the sunrise and set on such a beautiful place I found God in a big way. My fears are being changed into things of the past. I am truely looking foward with no fear.
We all need that time to reconnect with God. Weather you find a few minutes in the morning before the kids wake up, or at night before you close your eyes or on a beach in Hawaii find that time to connect, reflect and talk to your heavenly father.

20 days FB free made me realize and learn so much

As I sit and reflect on what the Lord has taught me on this Facebook free journey. I know that it is not only FB that is a distraction from the more important things but electronics period. I was still not doing the other things I should have been doing but rather playing on the iPad, my phone etc. We lived without these things before. I think I can do it again.
I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact these things are in our lives and people forget to live real life. I am really trying to make some changes in my home to better our lives without these distracts.
I am not saying these things are bad but a major distraction. Yes it is convenient to text a friend about something or send a FB message. It's also nice to hear that friends voice and be heard also. I am still enjoying these electronic devices just with a little more FaceTime and a little less screen time.
The Lord and taught me to love as he has loved us. He has showes me what is important in my life. He has changed me and transformed me. I am growing closer to my best friend Jesus Christ. Forever I well be his child.
<3

how far are we suppose to go for friends

It has been 16 days since I have seen a Facebook status. My children are still asking for me to post that to fb. I am hoping after time they well not ask any more. They are like me and want to share what they do at home with friends and family.
Since signing off I have realized who I would stay connected with. Only those people I call, text and email. I like staying connected so this has been hard.
Some circumstances came up this weekend that has me thinking how far are you suppose to go for friends? How much am I to put my neck out there. Jesus died for us. What I am feeling is I am suppose to die for my friends. Even if they choice not to love or respect me. With this situation I am feeling what Jesus felt. I am that type of person to put my life on hold for friends. I will continue to be that person. It is who I am and I will always be. I know others will not understand why I do this. As a christian I have that responsibility to show the world Jesus. A simple smile to dieing for someone is who Jesus is through me. How far well you go? John 15:13

Facebook free day 5

When I began this journey I didn't think it would be so tempting to check up on what people are doing in there lives. I really want to see how that Birthday party went, if that pregnant momma had that baby, how the sick are feeling, how the weekend trip went, or how the weather affected someones weekend plans. I really want to see what my far away friends and family are doing by what they posted on Facebook. Why is this the only way to communicate? I feel kind of depressed to not have this as an option to see how people are doing. It is disheartening how often people will or will not contact you. Everyone has become FB addicts. Sending invites, little messages and words of encouragement over a FB post. If you receive a text, email, a phone call (by the way I am not a phone talker) or even a real letter in the mail from me. It is my way of reaching out and communicating the old fashion way because you and I need social interaction the old fashion way. Going to resist the urge to reactive my Facebook account. Doing my own social experiment. Day 5.

-Blessing to All

Weekend retreat

Jeremy and I had a wonderful time on our weekend away. Lots of time to relax and be together. We had been to other marriage retreats but this one was by far the better of the two we have attended. It was real. It was not about fixing the other person or the problems it was knowing who you are and knowing who the other person is.  Then excepting them for who they are. It was presented in a entertaining way but with serious information. Everyone should check out The Flag Page. It was very informative, self affirming and positive. I had a very nice time and we reconnected, reenergized and socialized with other couples. I would recommend to anyone that has a chance to attend a marriage retreat to take that chance. It has been a really great experience. If you want to know who I am you well have to take the flag page test for yourself and when can compare. It is worth the $15 to take the test.

First Day Facebook Free

The first day of my Facebook cleanse. Feels good but really wired to not get on and see what others have posted. My mom asked if I wanted her to call everyday. I said sure but she really wouldn't. Text and email work the same way just a little more personal. I am thinking of going screen free as well. The screens in our home have become such a distraction from interacting with each other and doing things together that it is time for a change. I am loving this new attitude I am having to changing things for the better in my home. I am letting even my family see I can change and that it is good.
With all this free time I see some book reading, game playing, coloring, sewing, walks, runs and lots more get togethers with friends. I am ready to face this challenge. Feeling good about this decision.

Love Amanda

Taking Root in the Word Of God

This morning as I wake early and say good bye to my husband.  I get ready to dive in to my devotional. I see I missed 4 days. No wonder I was off and in a bad mood those days. I did not start my day with the Lord. As I am growing in my faith I see this is very important. To start my day with the Lord. 

As I catch up on the devotions. The one that sticks out to me the most is the one titled Transplanting. Luke 6:22-23

Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you, and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of Man's sake.

Rejoice in that day and leap for joy! For indeed your reward is great in heaven, for in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

So as I decide to weed out those who poison my roots. I well dig my roots deeper in to the word of God. I can not let these things and people hold me down any longer. I am going to what God has commanded. I well follow him. If that means not socializing as much with the poison then so be it no matter who they are. I well love from a distance. I well pray for them. I am making a change today. I well stand strong in the Lord. 

• When a wise woman speaks, she gives a reason fo the hope that is within her. (1 Peter 3:15)
• When a wise woman speaks, she knows that timing is important. (Proverbs 29:20, Proverbs 29:11)
• When a wise women speaks, she tells the truth.( Ephesians 4:25)
• When a wise women speaks, she doesn't talk to much.(Ecclesiastes 5:3, Matthew 12:36)
• When a wise woman speaks, her words are gracious. (Matthew 15:18, Ecclesiastes 10:12)

 "The Power of a Praying Women" by Stormie Omartian.

I am a Women Of God. I well speak as God wants me to speak, and think what God wants me to think. These things well make me strong not week. I well not hide behind false things, and words to make me look better or stronger then others. I well treat everyone as equals. It is who I was made to be and it well be who I am. I well slip and I well make mistakes but I well try my best. 

I want the world to know why I love Jesus. I want to his love to shine through me. I want to bless those around me. All of things well be accomplished with God on my side. 

People who try to whittle you down are only trying to reduce you to their size.  I well no longer be reduced in size because of others actions and words. For I am strong and confident in who I am and who I am suppose to be.

Thanks for reading.

Love Languages

  I heard of this book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I knew I needed to get it and find out my Love Language. I also needed to know Jeremy's Love Language. What do you know we have the same top two Love Languages ( If only we could speak the same dialect) Acts of Service and Physical Touch. I really didn't think the Physical Touch was one of mine because I was never a huggy person or liked being really close to others. Ask my Aunts and Grandparents I never wanted to hug them. LOL I grew up and now really like hugs.

  Things have been rough to say the least since we got married. Between a new born and the Air Force life was crazy from the start. Moving to Alaska was going to be better we thought. Our problems followed us and added another sector in to that relatives living close by. The Lord has got us through some stuff and well continue to grow us closer to him.

   Its hard to believe that things are as good as they are now. From time to time things still come up. The Lord reminds me of what I have and what I can do to make it work. A family that prays together stays together was the theme of my devotional this morning after a confrontational night God knew what I need to hear at just the right time. I look to God at all times because with out him I am nothing. The Lord gives me strength in the storms. I well praise him always.

Finding my voice and being me

Sidney at tolmi state park may 2009 

As I wake up before my girls to start my day right in the word of God I find myself growing, learning and finding my voice in this world. I have conquered a lot of demons in my life. Ones that keep coming back to haunt me. Not any more. With the power of prayer and praise. God well guide me and mold me in to the women he made me to be. Learning to let go of many things that I can not control has been hard but I am at peace with life and those things I can not control. Only God is in control. I hope as I share my story and struggles that others we learn and grow as I have. God is not done with me yet. I well continue to grow and becoming a women of God.

Humble is wisdom

 I am truly blessed to say I am a Technical Sergeant select in the Alaska Air National Guard. My devotional for March 3rd was titled Scientific Selflessness.When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2  

Tech School 2001

 Everything that lead up to the happenings on Saturday were all Gods doing. I was informed of this opportunity to sew on another strip in October. My first thoughts were I have lots to do to get prepared. I started to prepare myself and my resume. I also started to get overwhelmed and scared. How was I going to do this interview process. I have never done it before. With Gods help and letting him work in me. I got though every step of this process.
 I am so thankful for all those who encouraged me and let me know it is OK to humbly share what I do and what I can do. Many people struggle with sharing there talents etc. I for one didn't want to boost or be filled with to much pride.

Swearing in the Alaska Air National Guard

Airmen Leadership Graduation

 Authority makes some people grow- and others just swell. I well use this opportunity and blessing to grow in every way I can. Thank you for all that prayed encouraged and showed me the way. God is so good.

A time for everything

As I sit and read my Bible in the morning It opens up to Ecclesiastes 3 A time for everything. This is one of my moms favorite passages. It is becoming mine too.

New Year New Goals 2013

As I look back on January 2012 I see I made some monthly goals and had planed on doing that every month. oops that didn't happen. I think I meet or almost met all but one of those goals . What where those goals you ask. Here they are.

1. Run
2. spend more time with girls
3. spend more quality time with Jeremy
4. except the things I can not change

OK I could have ran a little more this summer as I think back I should have. Might have helped with all the other things that were going on. Number 4 has been the one I struggle with the most. I still need to get the Serenity Prayer posted some where in my home. 

Now that its a new year. I have started thinking of some new goals. 

1. Take the dogs for a walk at least once a day. As long as it is above 25* and not raining, snowing or really windy. (this one well take a little effort since I well have to take 2 walks. One with each dog. And bundle  up a 3 1/2 year old)

2. Be selfish at least once a week.

3. Make sure to have a Sidney/mom or Sidney/dad time at least once a month.

4. Take Ashlynn to one social activity (outside the house) a week.

5. once a month date night (this one maybe more like every other month)

6. Start a Cleaning Calendar


Doing these things for the ultimate goal of finding a balance to all the things in my life. Waking up excited for life and enjoying every minute of it.

Winter Again

I made it through summer and fall. Winter is upon us. Feeling pretty good. I continue to work on myself and leave the past in the past. I am feeling that everyday is a challenge especially with a 3 year old. I am telling myself to enjoy it all because soon both my girls well be grown. I still am holding on to a little bit of anger towards the things I wish were done. Holding on to anger about things said. Trying to find the joy in everything. Without God I am sure none of that would be possible. I thought I would put a little update out there to anyone one that reads this.

Learning to find the Joy in the Storm

If you follow me on Facebook I am sure you are aware of the storm that has been brewing. I don't want to air my dirty laundry to the world (or whoever may be reading this). I just need to feel that I am not alone. I am realizing more and more I am not. But I am still struggling even after talking and praying. I thought I would try the next form of therapy, writing a blog post.

 I get up every morning (hopefully before my wonderful girls do) let the dogs out, make coffee and sit down with my devotionals. But even in the mist of praying for my husband and praying for our life together I can not control what is happening in side of him. I can only do my part and try to make a happy home for him. Do you ever notice that when you live closely with someone and they are feeling down you start to feel down too? I can not count how many times before I have experienced this and try not to let someone Else's mood effect my own. In the end it still gets to me.

I thought my days away from the house and staying up with some wonderful friends and then going to my other job. Had got me out of my funk. But I fell back in to the rut. I see the other persons mood changing and looking better. But I cant seem to find my happy mood. I feel so angry about the things I can not control.  I am mad at myself for getting my hopes up about certain things, because I knew I would be disappointed.  Maybe its the weather. Maybe its that my house is still not finished. Things don't have a permanent place and I feel the clutter is cluttering my mind. I choose my life as a mother and a wife so why am I struggling with it now. Am I burnt out and need a break? Am I thinking to much about things I can't forget but have already forgave? Am I stuck on what Amanda wants, how Amanda wants things? Yes, Yes I am. But its not about me. Its all about Christ. I keep singing this song over and over again. I keep turning to the one I know who well help me through this. I keep searching for that answer that quick fix. That sign from God. I know I am trying to hard.

 

I do know if I don't change my attitude and my mood. Then everyone around me well not be able to stand me. I can't even stand myself right now. Grrrrr. OK even after typing that I am starting to feel better.  I choice to be happy and I choice to Let Go and Let God Take care of the past, present and future.

I well let you know in a couple of days If I truly have let go and let God. Thanks for reading and letting me vent. That was kind of ugly. Please forgive me.

Mothers Day 2012

What a great day to post my first real post. I have been a mom for 8 years and have had the joy of watching my 2 wonderful girls grow and learn. They have taught me so much and changed my world. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have had a wonderful relaxing mothers day.

Sidney Grace and Ashlynn Jean July 2009

Me washing dishes

the day I was Baptised 1998?

Allways :)



My mom



Wishing I was with my own mother today. She well also celebrate her birthday next weekend and I miss not being there this month expecially. She has taught me so much. The most important thing she has taught me is how to love the Lord. She took me to church from the day I was born. I grew up knowing that is what I was suppose to do. She has always prayed for me. Once a mother prays for her child the Lord well protect and guide that child. I have learned that with guidence from my mom to always look to the Lord at all times. I would not be who I am today with out my mother. She has taught me what is to be a christian women in a world that can me tuff at times. She has taught me to do what I feel is right for my children no matter what others think. She has taught me to love with out judging. I love you mom.